When we think about work/life balance, most of us imagine a scenario where we have it all together. Everything is in perfect balance. We’re killing it at work. Our home life is happy. Our house is clean and organized. We exercise regularly. And our social life is fun-filled.

But realistically, work/life balance feels more like a juggling act, not something we maintain consistently. We long to discover a system that will empower us to achieve a proper distribution of time and energy across all these areas. Why? So we can finally let go of the guilt that weighs on us when we feel like we’re giving more of ourselves to certain areas than to others. On those rare but lovely days when we feel like life is perfectly balanced, the heavy-hearted feeling lifts, leaving us free to more fully enjoy our life. But as soon as we lean more in one direction than the other, the heaviness returns.

I’m about to reveal a four-step system that will help get rid of the guilt and keep us feeling energized and on top of our game. Are you ready?

Step 1: Redefine balance.

Think about what work/life balance actually means. When used as a verb, balance actually means to keep something steady so that it doesn’t fall.

Imagine a tightrope walker. She’s keenly aware when she veers off center, so she shifts her weight, leaning first to one side and then the other to steady herself. And through her process of fluidly responding in a back-and-forth motion, she maintains her balance and continues moving forward.

Rather than maintaining our rigid definition and continuing to strive for an equal distribution of our attention across all the areas of our life, let’s broaden the scope to something more achievable. After all, if the tightrope walker tried to maintain her balance by walking rigidly and didn’t allow for ebb and flow, she’d fall.

So let’s tweak the definition of balance. Rather than juggling everything equally all of the time, let’s think of balance as the act of responding in a back and forth rhythm that keeps our work and life goals moving forward.

Step 2: Change your language from criticism to courage.

Do you criticize the tightrope walker when she looks unsteady or do you cheer her on and admire her courage? What if she fell? Would you berate her, or would you respect her? Think about how you respond when things in your own life feel like they’re off kilter. Do you look at the big picture and offer yourself some words of encouragement, or are you quick to criticize?

Let’s be our own cheerleaders. If we feel like we’re out of sync, let’s embrace that feeling and make the adjustment, then give ourselves an imaginary (or real) pat on the back for making the shift to get back on track. We need to offer ourselves the same kindness and support that we would others.

Step 3: Stay grounded.

The lower the tightrope walker keeps her center of gravity, the less likely it is that she’ll topple over. The same holds true for us. When we feel aligned, we feel more in control. When we feel out of alignment, we can become stressed and overwhelmed. Work/life balance seems impossible.

Rather than give up, however, let’s start each day feeling grounded. We need to give ourselves a few moments each morning, before the world awakes, before we plug in, to do something that will put us in balance by aligning body, mind and spirit. Maybe it’s a doing a short meditation, saying a prayer and setting an intention, reading a passage from an inspirational book, doing a morning yoga stretch routine, drinking a favorite morning beverage while writing in a gratitude journal, or going for a 10-minute walk or run. Those few self-care minutes will be recouped in no time when we start our day feeling inspired and ready to rock.

Step 4: Don’t disregard your net.

There will be times when things will fall completely out of balance. Fortunately, we’re not tightrope walkers and we don’t have too far to fall. But when we do, always remember, whatever higher power you believe in is there to catch you and help you get back up again. So I’ll leave you with these clever but actually insightful words from “The Trolls” movie: “If you knock knock me over, I will get back up again.”

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